Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
