I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
