someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
