You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
