A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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