i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
