remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
