i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
