I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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