so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
