Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
