I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
