If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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