i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
