and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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