I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
