This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
