did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
