i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
