I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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