who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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