90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
