Buhtt sex?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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