I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
