The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Randomize
