all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
