you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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