I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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