He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
