Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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