Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
