Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
