Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i think i just lost a toe
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize