The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
