There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
