Is it normal to miss your booty call?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
