If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She bit a glass in half.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
