The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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