he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
