Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you traded sex for a burrito?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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