i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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