she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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