There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
