I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
