I hate all girls vehemently.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
