watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Houston, we have a blender
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
