you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
