FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
