im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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