Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
