i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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