he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
