Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
