i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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