My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I need moral support for this bender
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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