Sponge bath it is.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
