i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
