Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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