a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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