I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
