I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
