I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if i died would you start the facebook group?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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