I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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