so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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