The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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