Pappa wants mamma naked
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The Olympian is in my bed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
