Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
