Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
