So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
