I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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