Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize