i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
