I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
