I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
