Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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