Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
