and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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